Walk By Faith

hello from my little corner of Lynchburg! this past Monday school started, which means my senior year is officially upon me. WOW! what’s even more of a WOW is that this isn’t just my last year of college, but it’s actually my last semester of college.

yes, you read that right. this is my last semester of college.

you might be thinking, “wow, I didn’t know that Kailynn was finishing school a semester early!” well… even Kailynn didn’t know that she was finishing school a semester early! 😂

this became a reality literally 3 days before I came back to Liberty. prior to that, I had my whole senior year planned out – I only have 5 required classes left to take, which means I only have 15 credit hours left. in order to be considered a full-time student, I have to take 12 credit hours, so I planned on taking some fun electives in order to be able to stretch my 5 required classes across two semesters and still take 12 credits each semester. this was my plan, and I even had the electives I was interested in taking picked out! I was honestly so excited about it.

a few weeks before I was supposed to come back to Liberty, I got an email about how the elective I had signed up to take this fall semester wasn’t approved by the office I get my scholarship from. this was confusing because my scholarship is supposed to cover any class I take as long as I am taking 12 credit hours, which was what I was signed up for! I contacted them to get it sorted out, and they told me that they weren’t the ones who disapproved the class and that they were just the messenger. they directed me to the person I could contact to get the class approved, and so I did.

long story short, after explaining my situation and asking for approval for the class, I got a response saying that the class couldn’t be approved because it was not part of my degree completion plan. in a way this made sense; however, I still desperately wanted to stay both semesters and was trying to figure out if there were any other classes I could take that would be approved – perhaps some that fell under my major instead of the random ones I had chosen? in the midst of trying to figure this out, I was encouraged to contact my advisor to discuss the possibilities, and so I did.

and then I waited. my advisor was not replying to me, and for a whole week straight I would wake up every morning, check my email, see no response, and become overwhelmed with anxiety and uncertainty. every single morning I had to pray these truths over myself:

1. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

2. “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” – Proverbs 16:9

one night I was praying through this whole situation, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that if my advisor emailed me back and told me he couldn’t approve the classes I had asked about, I was stuck with only one option – to finish school this semester. to take all 5 of my required classes this fall and be done. it was not what I wanted and not what I had planned and I was wrestling with the idea.

“God, if I go look up the class I would have to register for in order to complete everything this semester and there’s at least one seat still open… I’ll take that as a sign that that’s what I am supposed to do.”

I prayed these words, almost feeling drawn to my computer to look up the class I would have to switch to. art classes fill up very fast, so I had doubt in my mind… but what do ya know. when I typed in the course title, it brought it up and showed me that there wasn’t just one seat open…but there were eight. I chuckled to myself and thought, “Okay, God, I see… but I still need more of a sign.” (I know – stupid, right?! silly me.)

a few days later, I was praying again and I told God, “please, just send me someone who will tell me, ‘I feel like God is telling me to share this with you…’ and have them give me Your answer!! I hear so many stories of things like that happening… please, God, if that happens, I will definitely take that as a sign and I will know it’s from you.”

I thought to myself, “this is perfect! I’m going to Bible study tonight at church and there are a lot of people who could tell me this!” (I know – stupid, again. silly me, again.) sure enough, I went to church and shared my dilemma with some amazing godly ladies who are full of wisdom. they were all super encouraging and telling me that I had such a cool opportunity to finish school early! but none of them told me what “I” wanted to hear. as I left church that night, I left with no more clarity than I had walked in with. as I was expressing this to my mom on the way home, she told me, “well, maybe God is trying to speak to you through all of their encouragement!”

Right…of course…

I chuckled to myself and told her how I had prayed for Him to speak through someone else to give me the answer as to what I should do. I didn’t get the word-for-word answer I was looking for, but in my stubborn nature, I suppose I was just dismissing what was clearly right in front of me. yet, I still felt like I needed more of a sign and I concluded I would just continue to pray about it the next few days and hope I would have an answer by the time I left to go back to school – which, by the way, was only 4 days away from this time!

Later that night, God showed up in a big way. I was getting ready for bed when I received a message from a sweet friend of my mom’s, Janelle, who I used to hang out with at church when I was in pre-school. she was messaging me to communicate about a purchase she had made from me recently, but in her message she added this:

“I kind of stumbled upon this amazing podcast and I think God is telling me to share it with you [emphasis added] because every.single.time. I listen to it, you come to mind.”

Did your jaw just drop?! because mine sure did!!! my heart started leaping out of my chest and I think I re-read that sentence at least ten times before doing anything else. this is word-for-word exactly what I had asked God to do for me. to send me someone who would tell me these words. so, obviously, I took that as the for sure sign I needed, right?

WRONG. LOL. I literally had a seed of doubt in my mind that said, “what if this has nothing to do with this situation I am in?” so I eagerly looked up the podcast she told me about to see, and it was literally titled, “Quit Waiting For Confidence.”

GUYS. The entire podcast was about how when we set out to do something, we need to stop waiting for confidence in ourselves because it will never come. The Bible never says to have confidence in ourselves. It says to have confidence in the Lord. And it also says to be courageous, numerous times. The woman who was speaking talked about how we need to have courage and trust God when we set out to do something that we aren’t sure about. wow… wow. wow. wow.

after the initial shock settled, I broke down crying. the answer to what I had been asking God about was so clearly put in front of me. and the reality is, He not only answered my prayers once…not twice…but three times. and getting this specific answer, verbatim to what I had prayed for, made me realize that this really, truly, without a doubt is what He wants me to do. and if I still tried to go about it how I wanted it – by somehow trying to stretch my senior year into two semesters – then I felt like I would be deliberately disobeying God.

so I’m finishing college a semester early. I’m finishing college this semester! this wasn’t my plan, and this wasn’t what I originally wanted. but it’s God’s plan and so I am at peace with it and if it’s what He wants, then it’s what I want too.

I have NO IDEA what is to come after I finish up in December. I will graduate & walk in May, but I will hopefully get a job before then…but where? I don’t know. will I stay in Lynchburg or go back home? I don’t know. there’s a lot of “I don’t knows” surrounding this decision, but, as I’ve said, I know this is what God wants and that this is His plan. so my theme for this semester – this final semester – is to walk by faith.

I don’t know what lays ahead on this path I’m walking, but I know Who is paving this path and so I will wake up every morning and walk by faith with every unknown step I take. because it’s God’s plan…so whatever it is, it’s got to be so good.

so yeah… that’s what’s up with me as I go into my senior year! time to cherish every last moment I have as a college student, 10x more than I was already planning to ❤ and if anything, I hope this story encourages you and lets you see that God sees and He cares. He saw my need and cared so much about the fragility of my heart, that when I foolishly didn’t hear Him the first two times He answered me, He met me where I was. and He sees you and He cares for you and He can and will do the same for you. 🙂

p.s. in case you’re interested in the podcast I mentioned, click here to give it a listen!!